Exemple d'un essai TOEFL avec une note de 29

Bonjour

J'ai passé le TOEFL la première fois avec un résultat de la section Writing 26 points. J'ai décidé d'améliorer ce résultat. J'ai donc écris des exemples que j'ai vécu dans ma vie et ça a bien marché. J'ai l'impression que le TOEFL apprécie des exemples réelles.

J'ai contrôlé le nombre de mots de chaque essai pour ne pas dépasser 500 mots. je pense ce qu'un bon essai ait aux alentours de 500 mots.

Voici une exemple que j'ai écris pendant 30 minutes.

130. Some young children spend a great amount of their time practicing sports. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer 526 words

Practicing sports is very important for children because they have good physical and mental development. Some children spend a great amount of their time practicing sports. There are several advantages and disadvantages of such practice.

One of the advantages of practicing sports is that children learn how to work in team. Doubtlessly, children practice sports with other persons such as their classmates, sports instructors, or parents. Thus, they learn to work with other people and they develop communication and interpersonal skills that are very important for them when they work at companies at their adulthood. For instance, my ten-year old daughter has played badminton at a club near our house in Temple city in France since five years. She has spent a lot of her time practicing the sport with her club members and two instructors. Before joining the club, she had been unable to communicate with other persons. She had not shared toys with her younger brother. She had only thought of herself. After joining the club, she started to overcome her anxiety to speak with her peers and instructors. The more she worked with them, the better she spoke to them. In addition, she learned how to share things with others and to cooperate with them. She also learned to listen to other people and execute instructions. At home, she has been no longer selfish. Instead, she has been very kind, open and helpful to her brother. As you can see, practicing sports helps my daughter change her personality.

On the contrary, a disadvantage of practicing so much any sports is that children do not have enough time to study at school. It is evident that when children love playing a sport, they tend to spend a lot of time doing such sport. When they achieve a certain levels, they want to practice more to get higher levels. As a result, they don’t have enough time to do homework and assignments at home. More seriously, they will get bad academic performance. For example, one of my nephews has been practicing football since ten years in Paris city, France. He loves football so much that he is addicted to playing this sport. He spends at least two hours a day playing it with his classmates or team members after class hours. When he arrives home, he is very tired. Thus, he is unable to do homework and review reading materials and lecture notes. Last year, his team participated in the French national football championship. He spent much time at weekends practicing football. His team own the second prize of the competition. However, he got bad academic results. We learn from this example that children don’t do well at school if they spend a great amount of their time practicing sports.    

All in all, practicing sports is good for children to grow up and develop well their physical and mental abilities. However, practicing too much any sports is not good for them because they do not study well at school. That is why many parents try to control the amount of time their children practice sports to have a balance between school work and physical activities.